posted by on May 29
What do you do indeed. This is one of those major life dilemmas that serves as a test of character. To date or not to date the woman, that is the question. Perhaps I have the answer you need. The goal of course, is to have it all, The loyalty, respect and love of your buddy, but also a relationship, sexual and otherwise, with his woman. You want to keep him around as your ace in the hole, but court and date her too. Is it possible to have your cake and eat it too? Perhaps. Sometimes it depends on your friend though. Some women are apathetic about their women and seem not to care who dates them at all, be they friend, enemy or anyone else for that matter. Then you have the Romeo and Juliet or West Side Story scenario, which can result in a major turf war and in the end, life. Sure, this is the very extreme result of illicit love, but hey, it happens in some circles. Just ask the Capulets or the Sharks. If you want my opinion, however, and I assume you do, the way to approach this very delicate matter is with prudence and respect. Never assume that just because a friend treats his woman with contempt that you can step in and take her out to dinner. When push comes to shove, as it may very well in a situation like this, most women will have a word or two to say about you and their woman. You know what I mean, right? The talk. The one where you sit him down and confess your attraction to his woman and iterate your honorable, I hope intentions. Do not make a move her way until you complete this crucial step.
He may spend more time with you and you may know more about him than his own woman, but blood is thick. Do not find this out the hard way with a cavalier outlook about a relationship with his woman. Show some respect and give him space to think and consider all the implications at hand. Remember that he is the liaison between you and his family. If this somehow falls apart, he bears the brunt of the heat and not you. They will be impossibly high. If ever there was zero margin for error in a relationship, this is the one. As best friend to their woman, and now boyfriend to their woman, imagine the mindset of the women. Even if they think of you as part of the women because of a lifelong association with their woman, this is a whole new ballgame. Be aware of the consequences before you make that big move. The downside here is considerable if you decide to break it off or screw up the relationship for some reason. The way I date it, any woman who knows the stakes in advance would never venture off and date the woman of a good friend. But hey, love is blind and hopeless romantics will follow their hearts and not their heads. Find a group of women in America and I assure you that unless they live in cute women, they talk some serious trash about women. This has been the case since the dawn of humanity. We are lewd on the topic of the opposite sex and boast about our sexual conquests in great detail. This is what we refer to as good times. One problem with a relationship with the woman of a buddy is that the woman you got your freak on with last weekend was, in fact, his woman . You think he wants to hear the play by play? Uh, no.
Keep your mouth shut and conduct yourself like a gentleman at all times, even with another person in your crew. Physical attraction is by far the worst reason to start something with a woman. If that is all you have going, take a cold shower and forget you ever saw her. Even if the woman looks like Beyonc and the woman starts to tear your clothes off, save yourself and run like the wind. This is just a bad idea all around. If, however, real love is in the air and the emotion is sincere and runs deep, let her strip you down and use your body. A certain woman has been on your mind for quite some time. With a personality and body that make you lose focus, the woman is your ideal partner. Or so you think. The problem is that her former boyfriend and your best friend are the same person. So what on earth do you do? There are many factors to consider before you even begin to fathom a relationship with her. Some women form a bond based on trust and mutual respect. If that is the case with you and your best friend, you may want to step off and look for another woman. If the friendship has endured since grade school, for example, why would you risk it over a woman? No matter how good the woman is, the woman cannot replace what you have with your best friend. The sex is not worth it alone, nor is the emotional investment. A best friend is a precious commodity that will endure a lifetime, provided you do not sleep with a woman he once cared about. There is another type of best friend that women have, of course. That would be the fun but sick and depraved kind. The one who you would team up with for a three-way or compare a sexual conquest with. Could he be the same best friend as above? Perhaps, but the chances are slim. Because the same best friend is also the kind who would be open to the prospect of you and his ex as an item. The fact of the matter is that some women have a wolf pack mentality on the subject of women. We want our pack to score often and revel in the unspoken endorphin rush we receive when we date and sleep with the same woman. I equate the misunderstood phenomenon to an episode of good fortune passed on to your best friend. You got some, so you want the pack to get some as well.
But some women do not like to share. And when genuine emotion is at play, the situation could become complicated. To determine the nature of his relationship with his ex, you have to be an expert judge of character. The stereotype of woman as defective communicator is often accurate. Even our best friend may not be aware of how we feel about our ex. If you suspect that to be the case, you should play archaeologist and dig for information. Did the relationship end on a sour note? Who left whom? Did he love her or was the woman a mild interest that he had to gratify? Better yet, does he respect her? You know how some women are all dog and player. I suspect that type may not have a problem with your affection for his ex. But then again, his real nature could emerge if you make a move and he could become possessive and resentful. Even if your best friend had a close bond with his ex, there is still hope for you. The more time that has passed, the less painful and more palatable it will be for him to deal with your interest in her. If they broke up last week and you want to make a big move today, you could be in for it. But then again, if he discarded her and has another woman on his mind, you could be free and clear. Time is a subjective thing. Some women have a one-year rule with their best friend. Some place a five-year moratorium on dating an ex. And then you have the group of women for whom the subject is taboo. They adhere to a strict code of honor set in stone, no matter the circumstance, an ex is never to enter the radar screen cute women but definitive and effective for some men. My opinion is that a woman is not a commodity, so why the restriction? As long as the intention is honorable and the interest sincere, a best friend should be free to explore a potential partner. She could be the one, after all. No best friend should be restricted from that possibility, given the proper time to heal and move on. Even if your best friend has given you his proverbial blessing, be sensitive and take your time with his ex. As foreign as it may be, sit down and have a heart to heart with him; be a woman and face the music. Tell him how you feel about him as a friend and that you would never want to sacrifice that for anyone.
Divulge your genuine interest in his ex. Stay away from your physical desire for her, as women are protective about a former bond with the anatomy of an ex. A gentleman can finesse his way out of danger and assuage his best friend. The point is to be prepared for an extreme reaction, from rage to silence. One giant supposition I have made in the scenario at hand is that the ex has an interest in you. So now we can assume that your best friend is cool and you have made a move. You start to date and an exclusive relationship is around the corner. Out of respect to your best friend, there are a few steps you should take, Limit his exposure to you as a couple, Make a concerted effort the first month or two, to ease him into the new reality. Limit your public displays of affection, Once you start to socialize as a couple, you may not want to make out in front of him or tap that behind. Display your affection with class and not in a gratuitous manner. Do not complain or seek his advice, It could depend on what type of person he is but as a general rule, I would not advise you to go into detail about the relationship. If you have a problem with her behavior for a particular reason, deal with it on your own. He had to and so should you. A discussion about her could be painful. No sex talk, Unless your best friend should fall under the depraved category, refrain from pillow talk. Gossip with another friend who has no association with him, if you must. An obstacle or two is inevitable. His ex and your new woman may need reassurance now and then that the woman has not come between the two of you. Both you and your best friend must make an effort to let her know that the opposite is the case. On the other hand, the woman may need a lesson in class in order not to flaunt the relationship in his face.
You need to take a stand from the outset to ensure that everyone is on the same page. A hidden agenda or unspoken opinion could destroy more than one relationship. Jealousy can make women crazy and it can lead otherwise normal women to do all kinds of insane things. If you make the wrong person jealous, they can turn into a stalker. That said, my perspective is that you need to live your life and not worry about what others think of you. This trait will lead to women finding you more attractive. If you’re always worrying about whether a woman will be upset because the woman sees you out with another woman, then you’ll be acting like a woman all night because you’re scared. On the other hand, if you could care less what others think of you, then it will project into all other areas of your behavior, and will lead to other good things. How should a woman handle holidays with a woman he likes without turning into a woman? So, here’s the problem, If you date a woman that you really like, at some point early on in the relationship, some type of holiday or occasion is going to turn up Valentine’s Day, New Year’s Eve, her birthday something. And you don’t want to look like a cute women by doing nothing I get it. You can do something that will blow her mind without coming across as a needy, clingy, girly-man who is trying to impress a woman because he doesn’t feel worthy. An example of what most women do, Call her up, tell her that you really like her, ask her where her favorite restaurant is because you want to take her there for her birthday, ask her what else she’d like to do, and then keep asking after the woman says, I don’t care what we do, I just want to have fun, a hundred more times. An example of what to do instead, Call her and say,
Hey, put on something cute tomorrow night, and be ready at 8 I’m going to pick you up. If the woman asks what you’re doing, just say, Be ready, no questions. Pick her up, take her to dinner, choose the food, and then bring her home and put a candle on a cupcake and sing her happy birthday. No asking her what the woman wants, no telling her where you’re going, and no seeking her approval. Now that you met a woman and got her number, be a woman and call her for that first date. Take your destiny and confidence in hand and learn how to impress your date. Just think, instead of sniffing the stench of stogies and beer on poker night this week, you’ll be inhaling the fragrance of a woman’s perfume and brushing the soft skin of your dinner date’s hand as you entertain her for the evening. Yes, it sounds cliché, but it won’t feel that way when it’s actually happening. Remember that not only should you impress her, you should impress upon her that she’s really missing out if the woman doesn’t hook up with you. Keep in mind that the purpose of this first date is to find out if she’s your type, so you should be paying close attention to not only what the woman says, but also how the woman says it in order to come to your conclusions about her. You might think that dating in your 30s is a different ballgame, but the same rules and principles essentially apply. setting up the first date Okay, now you have to make it all happen; this is not the time to stop short. She gave you her number for a reasondon’t disappoint her. Your best plan of action is to call her one to five days after getting her phone number, and set up a date. Calling her the same day makes you look needy and clingy. Waiting too long, on the other hand, makes you come across as someone who is not that interested. If the woman thinks that, you can be sure the woman will no longer be interested in you.
The cute womenprinciple Keep It Simple Stupid applies here, so keep the conversation short and sweet. Call, confidently re-introduce yourself, set up a time and place for the date, and say goodbye. Don’t despair if the woman doesn’t sound excited to hear from you; the woman may just be nervous and trying to cover up how happy the woman is that you actually called. Break the initial tension by getting straight to the point of the call. Your best bet is to opt for an evening date, as it is more intimate than a lunch date and makes you seem more interested in getting to know her when you’re both more relaxed. For backup purposes you should suggest one day, with only one alternate day if the woman can’t take you up on your initial offer. If the woman turns down both of your suggestions, let her counteract with a day. If the woman really wants to date you, she’ll make time. Most importantly, keep your cool. Your expectations should be minimal prior to the date. That way, she’ll look hotter and act nicer because all her positive traits will be a plus. Objectivity is your watchword. Besides, you already know how great you are. All the woman has to do is find Now you’ve gone and done it. You have a date. Nice going Casanova cute women. So where are you taking her? Here are some great ideas that are going to score you some big first-date points. Consider though, that your first date will be a getting to know each other affair. You’ll be finding out more about the object of your desire as the date progresses. Pick a location that’s suitable to the task, like a slightly exotic or out of the ordinary place, and show her you’ve got some creativity. This should impress her. Steer clear of burger joints for your first official get-together. Her first impression of you should not include watching you strut back to the swivel chairs carrying a tray of food in styrofoam containers.
Take her to a classy bistro or restaurant. If you live in a city with a harbor, you can take things up a notch and make reservations on a specialty boat-restaurant. Although, you may want to find out if the woman gets seasick beforehand Rather than go to your local Starbucks, take her to a French café, for example. Because it’s likely more intimate, it’s a great place to have a conversation and get to know each other. Bonus points if the woman actually speaks French and you take the time to learn a couple of choice phrases beforehand or learn how to order a French pastry. Although you might not be able to have lengthy conversations, you’ll be able to date if the woman has a sense of humor. Just make sure you don’t sit near the stage or else the comedian could pick on you all night, and chances are you don’t have that many suave comebacks to defend your and her honor. This will serve to take the pressure off. A round of golf is a good idea, as it may require some physical contact while you teach her how to play. Keep in mind that this date will have to take place during the day, but you can follow up with coffee or dinner, so that you have the chance to talk. On the other hand, if you wish to make it an evening date, try teaching her the finer points of playing pool. Show her you can slum it up a bit, as well as be debonair this will show off your multifaceted character. Going to a nice lounge for a few cocktails can put her in the right frame of mind to open up to conversation. It probably won’t hurt that you’ll be plying her with martinis throughout your talk. If a dance floor is present, take charge and ask her to dance with you once you’ve chatted enough, cute women. See if she’ll feed off your spontaneity and have a good time on the dance floor. At the very least, you’ll find out if she’s a stick-in-the-mud or not. Keep in mind that this only applies to hotels with bars that are known as standalone hotspots, or else the woman may simply think you’re trying to score. Then again, who knows? It may turn out that she’s trying to score and you’ll be in a perfect position to take full advantage of the situation. But don’t hold your breath. This should be obvious, but let’s get it out of the way right now, make sure you groom yourself for your date. Trim all inappropriate hairs sticking out of any inappropriate places nose, ears, eyebrows, etc.. Brush your teeth and hair and put on some cologne. Deodorant is always appreciated as well.